How to Talk to Your Kids About Tragic Events
Wednesday October 11, 2017see more by jen
In the wake of last week’s horrific mass shooting in Las Vegas, this article on how to talk to your kids about a tragic event in the news is brought to you by CHOC Children’s.
When tragic events happen in the news it is sometimes hard to know how to handle conversations about it with our children. How much information should we give? How do we answer specific questions? How does this vary with a child’s age?
Which is why I was so grateful to have the opportunity to speak with Dr. Nicole Vincent, PhD, a licensed psychologist at CHOC Children’s to get her advice to share with you today.
5 Key Things to Remember When Talking to Your Kids About a Tragic Event in the News
My very first question I had for her was,
“Is it better to bring up the event with your child at home first OR wait and see if they hear something from a friend or at school before discussing it?”
1. Be Mindful of the Child’s Age
Dr. Vincent expressed how we talk to our kids about tragic events in the news will vary depending on the age of the child.
For preschoolers through about 1st grade, the chance a child would be exposed to information in the news is not as likely as it is for older children. So for young ones, a parent might consider not bringing up the event unless the child specifically asks about something they heard.
For older elementary schoolers she suggested it might be a good idea to touch base with your child’s teacher or administrators to ask if the event has been brought up in class or if it is being talked about? Depending on the answer, this might cue you in to whether you might want to address it with your child at home.
As kids become middle and high school age, it is very likely, especially with technology and social media exposure, to hear about tragic events and get information outside of the home. For these ages, Dr. Vincent said it is usually a good idea to take a proactive approach and start the conversation at home so you can discuss the facts and give them the opportunity to ask questions.
Which led to my next question, how do you approach the topic about a tragic news event with your kids?
2. Consider Starting the Conversation With These Questions
The best way to start the conversation is to ask your child open-ended questions like “Have you talked about events in the news?” If yes,“What have you heard about it? Tell me what you know.”
The answers will help guide the conversation as to how much information to share.
For younger age groups, it is best to keep your responses honest and factual, but brief. Details are not totally necessary and often times these responses will be enough to satisfy their curiosity.
For older age groups, she advised to let your child take the lead with information they heard or questions they might ask. It is important to validate their concerns by letting them know they are asking great questions. It’s okay to not always have the answers, you can tell them as much, and empathize with also wanting to also know. Being there to listen to your child is the most important.
But regardless of age, she stressed you know your child the best and to pay attention to behavior and cues that might indicate they heard something or have questions. Even young children can pick up on information or overhear things that might surprise you.
Bottom line, take the above age suggestions as general guidelines. But again, you know your child the best.
For me personally, I was surprised my 8-year-old daughter had many more questions and wanted to talk about Las Vegas much more than my 11-year-old daughter. It also elicited more fear in her than her sister. For kids who seem to be experiencing an increase in fear as a result, I asked for suggestions on how to help.
3. Reinforce the Rarity of the Event
Tragic events often trigger fear and anxiety in people of all ages, and for children tragic events can be especially scary
Dr. Vincent suggested this could be a time to highlight the fact that a shooting like the one that occurred in Las Vegas is a rare event. And when rare tragic events happen there are many people that will work together to try to avoid it from happening in the future.
4. Teach Kids to Look for the Helpers
In times like this, I often see people quoting Mister Rodgers when he said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
Dr. Vincent mentioned it is very helpful to highlight for your children the people that step up to help in crisis. Teach them to look at the first responders, volunteers, or strangers helping strangers. These people show us the beauty of humanity in a crisis.
For some kids, she suggested even possibly talking about what you can do to help as a family. Even a small act like choosing a Go Fund Me account to donate to, writing a letter to a first responder, or looking up supplies to donate can help by showing there are always things people can do to help.
5. Keep Home Life as Normal as Possible
One last parting piece of advice was to keep your routine at home as normal as possible. When a child’s day to day routine is altered for whatever reason, it can cause additional anxiety to build.
On this note, Dr. Vincent also stressed how important it is to allow yourself the time to process the events. Whether it’s talking to your partner, friends or therapist, it is important to be mindful of your own self-care so you are in the right state of mind to discuss it with your child.
When To Seek Help
After a tragic event, it is not uncommon to experience a variety of emotions or symptoms like mood changes, difficulty with sleep, or increased headaches or stomachaches. If any of these changes persist in you or your child for more than a couple weeks, and if the symptoms are disrupting daily life, it might be a good idea to pursue help by a mental health professional.
For more information about CHOC Children’s and their mental health services visit www.choc.org/services/mental-health.